>>4402
vaguely going through the same things
it's not that you don't deserve it though, it's that, well, what will happen after?
someday you just wake up and feel absolutely screwed because many years passed and you're predominantly the same.

so you can certainly enjoy anime, but you would hope that it's somewhat constructive; that it builds into something
for I've watched anime for about 10 years now, yet never wrote a review, nor tried to draw, and am only now learning japanese to resist this crunching feeling of being a complete consumerist failure

I don't even talk about anime to anyone. it doesn't even give me social advantage. gave up because the important thing about relationships is mutual interests and not feeling completely alone when around people; not feeling completely insane, etc,

anyway the reason I continue to watch anime today is because it's rewarding to recognize words I learned. it also carries themes that I would like to see happen in real life, so it's a strange inspiration. the only thing I hope is that I don't mistake it for real life, but nevertheless. sometimes the themes you see evoke a heartache since it's rare to imagine them ever happening in real life, but when I focus on a totality of existence it's not so bad. sometimes I wonder if all of it is just a heartache though; pain and distraction from what really matters

but god damnit I don't know what really matters at all. I bike around day after day and see these empty houses; they're not empty, there are lifeforms in there, are they on it? where are we going, and it doesn't really matter anyway since I am just 1 cell of 7 billion and we're going through organ failure because of origins out of our grasp

I mean when you really think about it, there's little distinction between real life and online life anymore, and it's really a limitation of the mind more than anything else to get something out of the situation

regardless, yeah, I guess I just want to evolve, because if you're not evolving, you're by default rotting, and since you're already here, you're condemned to evolve or suffer because you didn't bother

some say it doesn't matter do what you want, but it's important to evaluate your wants on a cosmic scale or something, because flippant wants that dominates our day to day decisions often screw us over


I wish I could just figure this all out, and maybe I'm about to, and you'll be witness to it, but until then we're just stuck here.
just in a strange limbo

I'm not actually sure what anhedonia even is. I'm pretty sure "boredom" doesn't actually exist and it's just the way that we interpret dissatisfaction, which is pretty much what everything comes back around to, but I don't even know what being satisfied means.

Because when people think of anhedonia they talk about how it has to do with a lack of dopamine in the brain or something but I wonder if that's even true because i'm pretty sure I do feel something vaguely like dopamine, and it might even be equal to the average person, but the way I interpret that dopamine feels wrong, or empty, or i'm not really sure how to describe it. Like there's a wall between "me" and the feeling? Or I feel pleasure or dopamine, but not satisfaction. I think my actual problem is my inability to exist in the moment or something but what does that meme even mean right. This thing just confuses me. Because there's some ideal state of mind i'm aiming for where I "enjoy" things again, but I can't actually imagine what that would be like, and i'm starting to believe that this state of mind i'm looking for doesn't actually exist. The brain confuses me! It makes people seem near incomprehensible. It probably has something to do with being unable to focus. Apparently depression leads to a larger external threshold for default mode network deactivation (area of brain concerned with stuff like the self, which is why depressed persons and persons with other mental illness are often so self centered. I read somewhere depressed people are more likely to use words like "I", which lines up.) Which means they're always focusing on themselves rather than anything external to them. Or they'll focus on their environment, but instead of being genuinely interested in that environment, they'll think about their own place relative to it. Hence stuff like social anxiety which is basically just extreme self awareness of your existence in a social environment. I've noticed I tend to like media that gives me room for self introspection relative to it, which might be related to an extreme obsession with myself, and currently i'm dissatisfied with who I am or where I am. But really those are just words and i'm not a neuroscientist.

I have my theories about what's going on here, but none of them are really conclusive. Anyway, back to reading manga and visual novels and vaguely enjoying them while convincing myself i'm not.

>>4403
I get what you're saying, that's why I'll try to balance it with my hobbies so I don't get that sad consumerist feeling. My point is that, if I'm going to be a neet, I'm gonna be happy. If this lifestyle were to continue forever, I'd want to enjoy it instead of being miserable. I can be happy watching anime and focusing on my hobbies because they give me a feeling of progress or evolving as you said. (Working out, for example). I hope you get your revelation and figure things out anon.
>>4404
The reason I made this thread was because I found a study showing that people with depression tend to see the glass half-empty by choice as a means to regulate their emotions because they don't feel comfortable with happy feelings. I thought that was me not wanting to watch anime and calling it anhedonia. Anime makes me feel happy so I was afraid of watching it.
doing something you feel resistance/fear towards can be a good way to become satisfied with life when nothing makes you excited because at least you will feel something. the ¨just don't be sad¨ advice just works hehe.

I was anhedonic for a year or two in my early twenties. Now I’m just regular depressed.

>>4405
>doing something you feel resistance/fear towards can be a good way to become satisfied with life when nothing makes you excited
I think you're really right about that. i should probably take that idea to heart but i won't kek
enjoy your anime anon unless your taste in anime sucks in which case you don't deserve happiness but i'm sure that isn't the case! Live happily!

Sad