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Missed my chance to an hero? No.2072

I feel like I fucked up by becoming emotionally numb to everything as if I missed my chance to kill myself when I could still get sad and cry.
Does anyone else relate to this? have SN and everything needed for suicide and still want to die but it is as if that motivation from the emotional side is absent.

Nothing that happens in life bothers me and I say this with certainty as people can threaten to attack me I feel nothing- things can break I own I do not care after half a second I can even be made homeless and brush it off and I say all this not as some tough anon brag I just feel like my brain is no longer functioning correctly.

I want my suicide to be the conclusion of extreme emotion a protest against life itself the finale a bloody spectacle but at this rate it will just be some faggot drinking some salty shit sighing and listening to some musi before dying.

It is not as if I have nothing to be miserable about it is like I actually accepted myself as if I learnt some perverse form of Buddhism I really do not feel real and cannot take anything in life serious.
I know I did not do a good job articulating myself but I wanted to try share my experience and how it feels to really not feel anything much than boredom yet also feeling as if all my emotions are being hdden from me as I would surely break if they were shown to me.

Very weird fellow NEETs

No.2077

I am somali. i don't know if that helps

No.2083

>>2077
The suicide rate in many African countries is actually among the highest in the world. It goes against the narrative of suicides mostly being spoiled first worlders.

No.2085

>>2083
Id kms if I lived in a chaotic hellhole as well